You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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