I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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