sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
