O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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