He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize