No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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