Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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