Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
