it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
