i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
