Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
