Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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