walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
