It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
