so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
