I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
