the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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