i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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