I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
