I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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