in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
