found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
