You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
