Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
