i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
