he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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