my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
