he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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