I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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