Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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