i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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