Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
