I'm going to jail i love you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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