is wine microwaveable?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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