Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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