Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
