What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize