apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
