Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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