D3 body, D1 cock
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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