I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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