I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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