I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
