If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
