it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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