you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize