Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
