You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
