it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
