Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
