Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
