Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
