Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
