Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
