Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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