i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
