His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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