Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
