I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
