im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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