She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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