hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize