turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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