I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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