I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Your cock deserves a montage
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
