Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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