Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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