and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
