Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
