My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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