Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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