By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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