tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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