This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
