Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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