just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize