Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
