you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
