He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
