I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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