your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
