In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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