I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
not ubering you a puppy
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
