my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
