how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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