Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
