One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
