No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize