I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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