see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
