He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
