Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dick very happy bro
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
