woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
