She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
