R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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