My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I queefed so loud it echoed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
