i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
